


No One Knows Your Name Yet

by Saquira



Series: A Sundial In Shade [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Female Merlin, Gen, Magic, Magic-Users, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-04 05:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6643483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saquira/pseuds/Saquira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hunith's daughter was born on October 23rd. One week before Samhain and exactly half a year after Arthur Pendragon's second birthday. She – named Merlin for the way her eyes tracked everything and for her mothers favourite bird – was three days old the first time her eyes flashed gold and every hope her mother held crashed down around them.</p>
<p>
  <em>Pre-Season 1</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Were So Scared

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story in my series “A Sundial In Shade” and also the shortest instalment in the series by far. You don't need to read this to understand the rest of the story, and you don't have to read the rest of the story after reading this. NOKYNY is simply a small story that covers some of Merlin's background in Ealdor, and a prologue to the rest of A Sundial In Shade.
> 
> The second chapter is already written, and will be posted about a week after this one, depending on when I have time to do so. The first chapter of the second story is also written, but has yet to be beta read. The rest is all a work in progress, and I haven't yet decided whether I'm going to post the chapters when they finish, or if I'm going to wait until I've finished writing the whole thing. If you have any views on that, feel free to tell me about it. I'd love any comments on the story.
> 
> This story is being beta read by my friend Whyte who hasn't seen the show but is very good at spotting my mistakes.
> 
> Story title is from the song “One Step At A Time” by Jordin Sparks, and the chapter title is from the song “Leave Out All The Rest” by Linkin Park.

**Chapter I**

**-** **You Were So Scared** **-**

**Pre-Series**

 

The evening upon which the peasant woman in the small cottage cradled her three day old baby in her arms in front of the fire as she hummed a pleasant tune was in no way remarkable to the surrounding world. Though she would later look back on the event with sorrow, it was in truth a quiet night in the village and it had been quiet ever since the birth of her infant. Thunder had raged across the sky for hours that night when the baby girl was born, but since then the skies had been clear and no strangers had passed through the village. So the woman, whose name just so happened to be Hunith, hummed quietly and smiled down at the little blessing in her arms, and was not at all prepared to see the golden colour suddenly take over the blue in her daughters eyes as the child gurgled happily and the fire in the cold cottage burned brighter to warm them.

Hunith did not notice the fire. She drew in a sharp breath, halted her humming, and stared down in shock at the little bundle of joy as the tears welled in her eyes and she held the child tighter to her body. As the panic rose in her chest her eyes closed tight. “Oh, my poor baby girl,” she whispered, opening her eyes again after only a few moments to once again look down upon the small infant. For a moment her gaze wandered to her cot in the adjoining room and the thin pillow upon it, but then she drew in a deep breath and forced a strained smile upon her lips as she once again looked down at the child and rose from her seat. “We'll get through this, my little Merlin. As long as there is yet a breath in my body, I will not let them take you from me,” she whispered as she slowly walked into the small room and lay down on the hard cot with her child cradled in her arms.

It did not take long before the little girl succumbed to sleep. But as the wind whispered outside their door and the rest of the village slept through the night Hunith laid awake. Her eyes never strayed from the form of her child and her arms never relinquished their hold, and that night she did not sleep as she kept vigil over her daughter.

* * *

It was a cold morning upon which the young girl was awoken by the sound of her mother's coughing. Merlin, lying in her mother’s arms because they only had the one cot, opened her eyes quickly to see her mother half asleep and coughing into the pillow as the pre-dawn light that came with the snow began to fill their small cottage. Her heavy coughs caused the whole bed to vibrate, and the young girl slowly extricated herself from her mother’s embrace before going to the fire-place. Upon realising that the fire had burned down until nothing but cinders remained and that there was no wood in the cottage, the five-year-old sought out her too-big coat and flung it around her small form before she grabbed the hatchet and headed out through the door, thinking only of the need for wood to make a fire and nothing of the limitations of her small frame.

Outside their door the village laid silent in the early morning and the only signs of life were the flickering lights in the windows from the hearth that every family kept burning through the night. The little girl set off decisively towards the edge of the forest, pulsing through the newly fallen snow with not a little difficulty. Once she passed in under the trees the snow was far thinner, and she made fairly good time for a child as she looked at all the different trees.

She finally stopped in front a rather tall birch and raised the hatchet. The first blow she hit it with barely made a mark in the tree, but the young girl merely pursed her lips, narrowed her eyes and continued to hack away.

When she finally stopped her shoulders were shaking with the suppressed sobs brought out by her frustration and the tree wasn't even close to being felled. She'd managed to litter the base of the trunk with small hacks, but she knew that wasn't enough to make it fall. Merlin lowered the hatchet and glowered angrily at the tree, then pulled her leg back and kicked the tree as hard as she could. As she did so her eyes flashed gold and the tree began to topple over. Merlin's eyes grew wide as her mouth fell open and then a moment later the tree finally fell completely, crushing almost everything that got in its way. The yell was almost muffled by the loud noise the tree made when it fell, but the ones that followed were not.

“Who was that!? You rascals, I'll..!” She stood petrified as the old man continued to yell, and she could hear his voice coming closer as he moved through the forest. Then another child dashed out from the bushes on her right.

“Run! Go, before he sees you!” the older boy called out before he got a hold around her arm and pulled her with him. After a few short moments Merlin managed to get her feet moving again and the two of them dashed through the forest as quickly as they could, not once looking back to see if the man was hunting after them.

When they finally stopped they could no longer hear anyone else behind them, and both of the children doubled over in an effort to catch their breath as what they'd just done caught up to them. Their eyes met across the few feet that separated them, and the boys' face burst out into a huge grin. She responded with a grin of her own, though it was fairly muted.

“Y'know, I was going to pull a prank on Old Man Simmons, but what you did was so much better,” he managed to say between gasping breaths, and as Merlin finally straightened up her eyes grew wide with fear again. She took a few steps backwards as she watched him warily.

“You saw what I did?” she asked finally, and the eight-year-old managed to straighten up as he nodded happily.

“Mmhm, it was fairly hard to miss,” he said, snickering slightly at the memory. Then he realised just why she was still looking afraid and rolled his eyes. “Oh, don't worry, I'm not gonna tell anyone.”

“You're not..?” she uttered hesitantly.

“Course not, we couldn't be friends if I told, could we? I'm Will. You're Merlin, aren't you?” His smile grew brighter again. “I've seen you and Hunith on the fields.”

“Yes, that's me,” Merlin answered, her brows furrowing slightly as she didn't know quite how to react.

“Come on, I'll help you get some firewood. Oh, we're gonna have so much fun...” As Will started off on a tangent about possible pranks and enthusiastic questions about magic, most of which Merlin could only shrug her shoulders at, the young witch allowed a slight smile to adorn her lips before she followed after him through the forest.

* * *

Will kept a tight hold on his slingshot as he hoisted himself up onto the barn roof from the crates that were stacked against the wall. Then he dropped it far enough up on the roof so that he wouldn't accidentally knock it away as he turned back around and helped Merlin to get up. Over a year since their first meeting the two children spent any spare time they could get together, and as the boy grabbed his slingshot again the girl approached the other side of the roof. She stopped just out of sight of the people who were working down below and some older children who were playing knights and bandits by using some sticks as swords.

Will came up beside her a moment later; already reaching his hand into the pouch he'd tied to his waist, and quickly loaded his slingshot with a decently sized pebble. “Ready?” he asked as his eyes met Merlins, and she just nodded with a grin before peeking over the edge of the roof as Will aimed and fired at one of the boys down below. She concentrated on the pebble as it flew through the air, and only moments before it made impact her eyes flashed gold and instead of getting a stone in the back of the head the boy's neck was drenched in water.

The boy jumped high into the air from shock before spinning around to seek out the culprit, but the two pranksters had already pulled away from the edge and had to clap their hands over their mouths to muffle their laughter. They waited a few moments, and then looked out again to find that no one was looking their way, and Will placed another pebble into the slingshot. The next time he fired another boy got a clump of mud on his shoulder, and once again the two troublemakers ducked out of sight before anyone could spot them.

When they looked up again they saw that the group of children had taken off down the road and were too far away for Will to be able to hit them with the slingshot. They crawled back across the roof, and Will dropped down onto the crates before helping the younger girl to get down safely.

They were still laughing when their feet finally landed on the ground and were just about to run off when someone cleared their throat next to them. Startled, both Merlin and Will turned to see Hunith standing there, hands on her hips and her eyes narrowed in a stern glare.

“H-hello, miss Hunith,” Will stuttered out as he quickly hid his slingshot behind his back and as her glare focused on him he found himself wishing for magic so that he could disappear.

“Go home Will. Your father arrived just an hour ago,” she told him with a resigned sigh, and he looked quickly at Merlin. The young girl nodded briefly to tell him it was all right and he set off running in the direction of his home. “Don't think I won't speak to your parents about this!” Hunith called after him as he went before turning back to Merlin with raised eyebrows.

“I-I'm sorry, mother. We were just having some fun...” Hunith's stern expression melted away as she sighed and crouched down to her daughter’s level.

“Love, I'm glad that you've found such a good friend in Will, but you need to be careful. If anyone saw you...” she trailed of as tears gathered in her eyes and she pulled her daughter in to hold her against her chest.

“I know mother. I can't do magic where anyone could see, or they'll tell the soldiers and they'll take me from you,” Merlin answered her mother as she burrowed her face into the woman’s neck.

“Not just that Merlin, they'll kill you. I can't lose you too,” her mother whispered as they held each other tight. The young girl could feel tears pricking at her eyes as questions rose in her throat. Questions she'd had ever since she understood what her powers were and she'd learnt how much people feared them.

“Why would the gods make me such a monster?” Merlin asked quietly and her mother drew back, grasping her daughter’s shoulders and looking her in the eyes.

"I do not know the gods' wishes, my love. But never think you're a monster, never that. Everything happens for a reason and your abilities are a gift, not a curse. People fear what they don't understand, my love, that's all. One day you'll find a place where people will welcome you and where they'll cherish your gifts instead of fearing them.” As she finished talking Hunith once again drew her daughter into a tight embrace, and then she brushed the tears away from both their cheeks before taking Merlin's hand and heading home.


	2. Tomorrow Is Another Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why don't the other children like me?” Merlin finally asked quietly, but Will heard her anyway and scoffed. 
> 
> “Because they're stupid, that's why,” he answered, and when their eyes met she smiled and the expression was far more genuine. Merlin rolled her eyes at the cheesy line, making absolutely sure that he saw it, before returning her attention to keeping an eye on their surroundings.

**Chapter II**

**-** **Tomorrow Is Another Day** **-**

**Pre-Series**

 

It was cloudy outside, the village was fairly still for such a nice day, and Merlin was humming a tune as she sat on a large stone on the outskirts of the village. Another, younger, girl was walking by and the young witch got off the stone and approached the other girl when she saw her.

“Hello, I'm Merlin. What's your name?” she asked brightly, and though the other girl looked at her she didn't do so for long before running off into the village. Merlin's smile fell quickly as the other girl fled, and she kicked a stray rock in frustration before heading towards the edge of the forest instead.

“Don't let them bother you,” Will called out as he met her halfway and started walking besides her. Merlin met his eyes and gave him a small strained smile, but didn't answer as she tucked her arms around her chest. The two of them walked for quite some time through the trees before either of them decided to break the silence.

“Why don't the other children like me?” Merlin finally asked quietly, but Will heard her anyway and scoffed.

“Because they're stupid, that's why,” he answered, and when their eyes met she smiled and the expression was far more genuine. Merlin rolled her eyes at the cheesy line, making absolutely sure that he saw it, before returning her attention to keeping an eye on their surroundings.

When the sounds from the nearby river reached them Merlin's steps grew slightly more careless and Will headed for the hollowed out trunk nearby as the younger girl dumped her knapsack where neither the water nor any animals would reach it. When the boy came up to her again he was carrying two sharpened sticks, each about as tall as the two of them, and Merlin accepted hers with a smile before following him down to the river.

“Why do you care about the other children, all of a sudden?” Will asked as he stepped carefully on the rocks sticking up out of the water, his eyes scanning the surface for any sign of fish as he raised the makeshift spear.

“I just… I see the way my mother looks at me when she doesn't think I notice. She worries. About me, about the other villagers… I think she'd feel much better if I had more friends,” Merlin said as she watched him while leaning on her own fishing spear on solid ground.

“I think… she's going to worry no matter what you do. Parents worry most of the time, from what I've understood,” Will answered, pausing briefly as he threw the spear and managed to catch a fish on it. He made his way back to her spot by the river, and she nodded at him as she made her own way out into the river to fish. “Besides, it's just you and her. And you're not exactly like most children,” he continued after a while, and Merlin hummed non-committally.

“I guess so,” she muttered before focusing back on catching as much fish as possible as Will returned to his spot. They fell silent, occasionally joking around and taunting each other as the day carried on.

After a few hours they took a pause from the fishing and Will put away the spears before splitting the food they brought between the two of them. Merlin saw the stale bread and few apples that her mother had packed for them and turned her gaze to the forest around them. Finally spotting what she'd been looking for, the young girl fetched one of the cups that her mother had packed and headed off to stand underneath the bee hive she'd spotted.

Will watched curiously as her eyes flashed gold, and slowly a thin trail of honey came floating out of the hive towards where Merlin was standing. A smile spread across his lips as she held up the cup and the honey flowed into it. After a little while, the thin trail stopped, and Merlin turned from the trees with a smile.

“Seriously, that has to be the most useful ability ever,” Will said excitedly as she came to sit opposite her friend and helped him spread the honey across the stale bread. The girl smiled brightly at him at that and they tucked into their lunch.

* * *

“Will, are you there?” The boy hardly reacted to the voice that carried over the wind to where he sat huddled with his back against a large rock. He heard footsteps just moments before the young girl came walking into his sight, and she sighed in relief as she caught sight of him. “Your mother was worried,” she uttered softly as she approached him, taking care not to trip on the numerous rocks.

“Is she alright?” He raised his head just enough so that she'd hear the question, and Merlin smiled softly at the sight of his tear stained face.

“No more than you are, I expect,” the young witch answered as he bent his face down to his knees again, and she just stood there for a few moments, fiddling with her sleeve slightly as she considered what to do. “Do you want me to get you anything?” she asked finally, but he just shook his head slightly.

“Just, stay. Please,” he uttered just as she was about to turn and leave, and Merlin's lips turned into a slight smile as she approached and sat down beside him. He raised his head from his knees just enough to lean on her shoulder, thankful that his growth spurt had gotten far enough along that he could do so comfortably. She wrapped the arm closest to him around him, embracing her friend as much as she could while they were sitting next to each other.

“I'm sorry about your dad,” she murmured a little while later, when her other arm was also wrapped around him in a comforting hug. Her friend just made a sad noise and burrowed his head further into her shoulder.

* * *

It was a beautiful sight that greeted Hunith as she made her way down towards the river to look for her daughter. It was early spring and in most places that meant that the flowers had only just begun to blossom., but when the middle-aged woman approached her daughter she was seated in the middle of a clearing filled with blossoming flowers. Merlin was humming lightly as she weaved poppies and snow bells into her hair, and though a basket stood to the side half-filled with spring flowers it had clearly been forgotten about as the young woman was firmly entrenched in her own little world.

“Merlin!” Hunith called out as she approached, and the witch startled so badly she lost her grip on the flowers and the strands of hair she was weaving together. When she realised who was calling for her she calmed down and threw a last look at the flowers falling to the ground before rising to her feet to greet her mother.

“Did you need anything, mother?” she asked brightly as she bounded up to the other woman, her partly braided hair coming undone behind her.

“Yes, for you to be more careful,” her mother answered with a reprimanding look as her eyes swept across the clearing. Following her gaze, Merlin grimaced slightly before turning back to her mother.

“I was just getting some flowers for the table, I didn't mean to linger so long,” she told her mother as the older woman hummed non-committally and motioned for her daughter to turn around. When the black-haired girl obeyed her mother she took up the dangling ends of the unfinished braid and carefully and quickly completed it.

“You very rarely mean to get caught up in anything, yet you do. And generally, it means that magic is involved,” Hunith said as she finished the braid and Merlin turned again to face her again. Merlin smiled apologetically, but her mother's face did not change as she watched her sadly.

“I've decided that it's time you left Ealdor.” When Hunith finally spoke after a few moments of contemplative silence, the words caused Merlin's mouth to fall open in shock as she stared at her mother.

“Why? Where am I supposed to go?” the young woman answered after another few moments as she searched her mother's face for any answers, and Hunith's smile was strained as she clasped her daughter's shoulders in her hands.

“I'm sending you to Camelot to stay with my brother, Gaius. You need to learn how to control your powers better, and I fear what will happen if you should stay in the village any longer and anyone discovered exactly what it is that you are capable of.” Merlin opened her mouth as if to protest, but closed it again when she saw the look in her mother's eyes.

“When do I have to go?” she asked instead, and Hunith smiled in relief.

“In a few days. I'll have to notify Gaius that you'll be joining him in Camelot so that he knows to expect you.” Merlin nodded and went to fetch the basket from the field before heading after her mother back to the village.

* * *

“Do you have everything?” Hunith asked her daughter as the two of them came to a stop outside the door of the small house in which Merlin had lived her whole life. The sun stood low in the sky, only just having risen a short while ago, and in another few hours it would be hidden amongst the clouds that already covered most of the blue sky.

“Yes mother,” Merlin answered, her eyes rolling in exasperation as the older woman looked her over. “I've got everything I could possibly need for the trip.” The younger woman sighed as her mother placed her hands on Merlin's shoulders.

“And the letter?” Hunith asked as she met her daughters eyes. Merlin smiled slightly, and motioned towards the pack on her back.

“Safely tucked away. You needn't worry so much mother, I'll be al right.” The older woman sighed and stepped forward to embrace her tightly. The young witch didn't protest the action, instead returning the hug for as long as her mother held her.

“Be careful. Don't get into fights, don't attract attention. Gaius is the court physician and knows that you're coming, listen to him. He knows far more about magic than I and should be able to help you control your powers. I believe in you,” Hunith uttered quietly as she rested her head on her daughters shoulder, careful not to attract any unwanted attention to her words. Then she stepped back, and met her daughter's wry smile with a worried frown. “I don't want to send you to Camelot, but Gaius is the only one I trust with this,” she finally admitted, and Merlin nodded with a slight sigh as she took a step back from the older woman.

“I understand,” the raven-haired witch responded as her mother finally allowed a small smile to pass over her lips. “I'll send money once I've gotten a job.” For a moment it looked as if though Hunith was going to say something, but then she shook her head slightly and sighed as her eyes flickered in the direction of the sun. Merlin, understanding her mother's feelings all too well, merely smiled and bid her a final farewell before she turned away from the other woman and began to make her way down the road out of the village. Her eyes flickered over the village as she went, searching for Will's familiar face, but when she couldn't find him she looked back once again at her mother and raised her hand in the air in a final farewell. Hunith smiled and waved back before she turned and headed back into the cottage, and Merlin finally took the turn that brought her out of sight of her home.

The young witch hadn't yet put a very long distance between herself and the village when a greeting came from the forest on her right.

”You're leaving!” she turned her head in the direction of the forest and stopped as she laid eyes on Will leaning against a tree. A frown distorted his features, and Merlin came to a stop as he straightened up from the tree and approached her.

“I thought you wouldn't come,” Merlin said as he came to a stop before her, and the young man averted his eyes guiltily.

“I considered it, but I finally figured I couldn't let you go without at least wishing you good luck,” he uttered as he turned back to her, and Merlin nodded shortly, a sigh escaping from her lips as their eyes met.

“You do realise that I don't actually want to go, don't you?” she asked as she raised her hand up to fiddle with the straps that held the pack on her back.

“I know, but you're going anyway.”

“Mother worries enough as it is, and if going to see Gaius will in any way ease her worries, then I think it's worth it,”Merlin said and Will nodded reluctantly.

“I know, your mother always worries,” Will said with a small sigh as he kicked out with his boot and caused a couple of small stones to skitter away along the country road.

“You'll look after her, won't you?” Merlin asked after a short while, allowing her own worry to shine through for the first time that day, and Will turned his eyes to hers with a small smile.

“Of course, when have you ever needed to ask?”

“Never, but it makes me feel better,” Merlin responded with a wry grin that the older of the two answered with one of his own. They stood facing each other for a few moments and then Merlin made to turn away and keep walking, but Will stepped closer and stopped her with a hand on her shoulder before she could move away.

“Wait, I wanted to give you something.” She stopped and turned back as he held out his closed fist in her direction. When he didn't immediately lower it again Merlin held up her own hand to accept whatever it was he wanted to give her, and the young man dropped a thin woven leather cord into her palm before once again lowering his hand and taking a step back. “There, father helped me make that some years ago,” he said as both of them looked at the item. Then Merlin closed her fingers around the cord and looked back up at her friend with a small smile.

“I remember, thank you,” she said as their eyes met, and Will shrugged lightly in response.

“It's nothing. I just wanted to give you something to remember us by when you're off in the big city,” he responded with a slightly teasing grin, and a small snort of amusement escaped the witch as she smiled back at him.

“I hardly think I could forget. Take care of yourself.” He nodded, turning away slightly as if though to head back to the village.

“Yeah, you too.” Merlin nodded back, then she turned back to the road and the two friends headed off in opposite directions along the road for the first time in their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for leaving kudos!
> 
> I do not have anything more planned for NOKYNY. And though I might eventually write more about Merlin's life before Camelot (might even write about the other character's pasts), it'll be posted as a separate short story in that case. 
> 
> Concerning the next story in the series, it's called "A Raven in Flight" and will end up being around 40 chapters long unless I wind up writing a lot of extra stuff. Only the first chapter is done however and I won't make any promises as to when I'll start posting it. I've decided on quite a bit of changes for the first season, though the mayor changes won't be very apparent until the second season, which will be posted as "You Believe and You Doubt".
> 
> I really hope you'll be interested in reading the rest of the series when it does eventually get posted, as I have a lot of plans for it and I'd really like to know what people think about them. Amongst other things I have some rather specific head-canons about the name Emrys and what it means, though that probably won't come into play until at least after the end of season 3.


End file.
